Good to Great

Good is the enemy of Great. What constitutes the validity of this statement? How can "Good" possibly have a tumultuous relationship with "Great"? I mean, they're closer in relationship than "Average", "Poor", or "Horrible". Where is the differentiating factor? Let's take a closer look.

Let's say you make $100,000 at your job and were given a 50/50 chance to win $1,000,000, but if you lost you would lose your job. On the other hand, let's say you make $13,000 per year at your job and were given a 50/50 chance to win $1,000,000, but if you lost you would lose your job. In which situation would you be more likely to chance your yearly income? Exactly. The latter. The same holds true for good schools, good businesses, and good athletic programs. It's all about risk-reward. If you have a school, business, or team that consistently produces good results, why change your approach?

The difference lies within the hunger of the individual or organization. If you make a comfortable living, the odds that you will make a significant change in your life to push to greatness diminishes. Accordingly, if your team consistently wins 80% of it's games, your chances of convincing those in your program that something must change to get to the top will be met with greater opposition. "What if we lose what we have in pursuit of something greater? It's just not worth it. Let's not risk what we have. We like it here." Everyone wants change, wants to be better, but the difference is who is willing to recognize the areas in which change is needed and be willing to sacrifice what you are now for what you could become.

Now look at the flip-side at a team or organization that has consistently failed or become ineffective. What is the risk-reward ratio of change for a team that consistently wins 20% of it's games? Low-risk, HIGH-reward. Those that fall in this category are far more open to change, and at the first sight of momentum in the right direction, will go all-in on the new idea. If I performed a study in which I put a juicy steak on the table in the middle of a person who hasn't eaten in two weeks and a person who just finished their Thanksgiving feast, who gets to the steak quicker? To further the analogy, let's say it was between someone who has eaten well their whole life & never known true hunger, and a person who knows what it truly feels like to go hungry for an extended period of time? It's really all bound into psychological conditioning.

So where lies the answer to those that find themselves in a position of being "Good", but have not attained greatness? I believe it lies within the context of a very popular saying: "Stay humble. Stay hungry." Have the humility to understand that where you are now, is not where you want to be and every aspect of your organization or your approach must be examined to find areas in which you can make improvement, and it must start at the top on down to every individual. It is not always a wholesale change that needs to be implemented. Obviously, you are doing something right to sustain the success that you have garnered. Recognize the areas in your organization that are exceptional and those areas that need improvement. Then, you must have the courage to act toward change.

Secondly, the hunger or drive to become the best must be present. The worst disease that can creep into any person, team, or organization is complacency. Complacency is so devastating for the simple fact that it's almost impossible to cure without a dramatic downfall or collapse. We become comfortable under our blanket of success. If ever I find myself becoming comfortable with our team's success, I take myself back to the feeling of going 1-8 in my first season as a head coach or the darkness of the constant defeat we experienced in my time as an assistant. Remembering that pain, helps keep me focused on the fact that I never want to return to that dismal state. The greatest challenge comes to those who have never truly felt what it is like to consistently fall on the losing end. It's tough to understand what it's like to go hungry without every actually being in that position. Although it is not an authentic feeling, I believe we have to go there in our minds to imagine what it would be like to be thrust into that situation. Imagine the constant feeling of disappointment and agony of constant defeat. Then understand that if we are in the position to attain greatness or been given great abilities, the incredible responsibility we have to multiple our opportunities and our talents.

So how is good the enemy of great? "Good" is a liar. "Good" will talk you out of things you would like to try to attain, by telling you that you have too much to lose. "Good" will try to convince you that what you have now is not worth risking. "Good" will say to you that what you have now is all that you deserve. I love the quote above from Nelson Mandela. Faced with tremendous adversity, Mandela chose not to settle for small achievements, but to pursue great change that would transform his country. Finally, what do you want to be remembered for? Tragedy is not coming in 2nd place. Tragedy is doing less than what you are capable of doing with the talents and abilities you have been given. Be consistent. Be open to change. Be fearless. Be relentless toward the pursuit of greatness. By not risking what you already have, you risk all that you could have attained. 

Do not go gentle into that good night

Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The Great Lie of Our Generation

You get a trophy. You get a trophy. Everybody gets a trophy! Our society is in trouble. Our society is so afraid of hurting someone, that anyone should ever have to experience pain. Parents so afraid to let their kids fall down and skin their knee. Athletics afraid to determine who wins and loses. Such a thing is so far from reality it is agonizing, not to mention unhealthy. Pain is necessary to foster growth. Muscles cannot grow without first being broken down. Being exposed to different germs or sickness strengthens the bodies immune system. The pain of a setback in someone's life enhances their resiliency to future adverse situations. We are greatly harming our youth's abilities to respond to life's difficult situations.

Fear can be a good thing. It can warn us of danger and steer us away from harmful situations. However, fear can paralyze us from ever attempting a challenging task, to go after something that seems too difficult to accomplish in fear of what may happen. There is a growing belief that everyone has to be on the same playing field. In what area of life does that actually exist? Life is not fair. Life is hard. From the moment we are born we inherit certain traits and attributes that are different than anyone else. We differ in our intelligence, athletic ability, creativity, and our health. We are born into different financial situations, different families with different challenges. These challenges all must be overcome by an effort to make up for areas in our life that we are less fortunate. They do not single-handedly determine the outcome, but if we are raised to believe that all is equal we will find out the hard way that they most certainly are not.

In almost every area of life their is a winner and a loser, but just because we lose doesn't make us a loser. It is how we respond, learn, and grow from each experience. Competition is present every day of our lives. You are always competing whether you know it or not. If you are trying to provide for your family, you are competing with those in your profession to hold a job. If you cannot do your job effectively, your employer will hire someone who can perform that job successfully, thus affecting your ability to provide for your family. Competition is a good thing. After all, it is at the core of all motivation. Survival of the fittest is the greatest competition of all. It is present every single day.

Not all competition is between you and someone else. Sometimes that competition comes from within. The competition to better your situation, grow professionally, or give your children a better childhood than yourself. In any attempt to grow as an individual, we must step outside our comfort zone. We must put ourselves in situations that are painful and challenging. If you never step outside your comfort zone, you will never grow. As a coach, winning is not the ultimate goal, but competing to the best of our ability and showing improvement is. How can we ever determine growth if we don't have a way to assess it? Sometimes that assessment hurts. Sometimes growth takes an accurate measure of self-reflection. You are the only one who can determine your effort. That can be a painful realization if our effort did not bring about the outcome we desire.

So how can not calling a winner and a loser be detrimental to our youth? If the final score always ended in a tie, what motivation would a young person ever have to improve themselves? What does that teach them? That engrains in that person's mind that everything in life is always going to be fair and equal. Everyone will make the same salary even when one student challenges themselves academically, gets up early for class, and stays in from the party. They become trained to believe everyone deserves the same job promotion even when one person got up before the crack of dawn to work on their dream. We are teaching our kids that if something isn't fair and equal that they are somehow the victim. No. No. No. You are a victim of your own demise, of your own actions, and those actions always have a consequence. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Lastly, we are shackling our young people to the idea that they shouldn't pursue great things because of the fear of failure. Failure is growth! If I never lose, why would I ever change what I am doing or challenge myself? Each time we attempt that challenge again, we have learned something from our past failure that just might help us break through the next time. To put it bluntly, we are lying to our youth. We are perpetuating a great untruth. We might be able to get away with it for a time, but eventually the truth always comes out...

The War Between Positive and Negative Thinking

Life is hard. We live in a negative world. It's all around us. Turn on the news and see how many positive stories are being reported. Scroll through your social media timeline and you'll see a constant stream of outrage. You have your own daily struggles in your personal life. You lost a game. A player is having behavioral issues in class. Others are failing. It's hard to be positive in such a cynical place. There are many good things happening, but we all seem to focus on the things that irritate us or bring us down. It's so easy to do. It's much easier to find a negative rather than a positive. It's easy to sit in a group of people and complain vent our job, complain about our situation. Everyone always seems to be under attack or offended. We are all guilty of it at one point or another. What is the effect of trudging through constant negativity? How does it affect others around you?

I'll be the first to admit that I have always been a glass half-full person to no one's fault but my own. If I reflect on the happiest chapters in my life, in coaching and in teaching, it's not always the times when everything was going my way, but my attitude toward what was happening around me. Often the times I found myself in a dark place was when I was a victim of my own outlook on my circumstances. As a coach, I've endured good seasons and very bad seasons in the win-loss columns. However, the wins and losses weren't necessarily indicative of the way I felt the season had gone. Usually my post-season outlook was centered around the energy that surrounded our team throughout the season, not whether we won a lot of games or lost a lot of games.

Energy is a either positive or negative. As people we exude one or the other, but there is never a time where both are absent. There is an old saying that you are either helping people up or pushing people down. I believe that if you aren't currently helping someone up, in turn, your absence of action is holding people down. There is no middle ground. Recently, I read a book by Jon Gordon titled "The Energy Bus" that has made a profound impact of me and if you haven't read it already, I would highly encourage you to do so. In the book, the author illustrates that our energy constantly affects those around us, either good or bad. Energy can be felt when a person walks into a room or begins speaking. As a teacher or coach, it's easy to see what type of energy you are exuding just gauge the engagement of your students or players. If your students or players are locked in to what you are saying, chances are it's because of the passion in which you are conveying the message.

To be honest with myself, I have a tendency to have knee-jerk reactions to certain circumstances if they negatively affect me or inconvenience me. It floods through me like a shot of morphine. I can feel it. Whether I feel it within myself or not, it is important not to let others see it affect me negatively. It's something I constantly have to work on and reflect on. It takes practice, just like anything else. As a coach, if you walk into a room with a defeated look on your face, chances are your players heads are going to drop as well. If you spend three months hung up on the outcome of the season before, chances are your team is not going to be real productive in their preparation for the upcoming season. What do you talk about during the off-season? Do you talk about how many players you have to replace due to graduation? Or do you talk about the great opportunity this season will be for young players to step up, fill a role, and develop as a player? The one you focus on will tell your players what your outlook is for the season, positive or negative.

"An old grandfather told his grandson: “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, and resentment. The other is good. It is joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and bravery.”

The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed."

Nick Saban made a great statement when talking about playing a great team in an upcoming game.  My tendency is to focus on how good the team or individual player is and convey that to our players throughout the week in hopes of improving their focus in practice. Sometimes that is important if your team is looking past an opponent, but Coach Saban said that is also diminishing your team's confidence in their own abilities to perform at a high level. Instead, focus on what you need to do and instill confidence in your players in their ability to win at their position. Last summer was a bad summer in my opinion for our football team. I didn't, and still don't, feel like our team as a whole bought in and showed the commitment necessary to reach their potential for the upcoming season. My wife told me that every year I felt like we had a bad summer. When I asked her what she meant, she said that I was always focused on the guys her weren't there. She's was 100% right. It physically pains me when an athlete goes AWOL from June to the beginning of the season. My focus is not on the guys who are there working their tail off, but instead spending my energy on the guys who are comfortably sleeping in their bed, not getting better, and a situation that I have zero control over. Looking back, I was hurting my ability to properly coach up the guys who got up before the crack of dawn to come sacrifice their time and their bodies every morning in an effort to pursue competitive excellence. Worrying about the things you cannot control accomplishes nothing.

In a meeting room or a classroom, what energy do you radiate? It's either positive or negative. The outcome what your kids retain will be directly relevant to the passion the information is presented with and your attention to detail in assessing what your players of students have learned. Sure, the teaching techniques are a relevant factor. But when that class or meeting starts if you are passionate about the subject matter, that is the most important factor in engagement. I have no data to back that statement up, but the days when I lethargically blunder through an installation of a new scheme or lesson and merely "get through" the information it shows on the field or on a test. The days that I have come over to practice after a frustrating day of teaching directly affect how I perceive the performance of our players in practice. I have single handedly had a negative impact on that day's productivity, and to no fault of our players. On the contrary, the days that I have come to the field and am excited and energetic, talking with players, and encouraging have a great impact for the good. We constantly have to evaluate the energy we are giving off to others, and cannot let things that negatively impact us to affect others in the same way.

The greatest leaders focus on the positive circumstances. My oldest brother once told me when I was a Sophomore quarterback after I went on a complaining tirade "Those guys aren't going to follow you. You're always complaining about what everyone else isn't doing right and yelling at them when something doesn't go right." That was a profound statement to me, one I've always remembered. How can you empower those around you when you are always focused on negative circumstances? If as a leader we are always focused on the negative things those in our charge are doing, why would they ever see anything positive in themselves? How can they ever know how great their potential is? We must focus on and highlight the good things our players and students do without sacrificing the ability to put them in challenging situations and foster their growth. After all as Lou Holtz once said, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Energy Vampires

Over the last few years, I can feel that my passion for learning and growth continues to grow. Two days ago I received a new book that I was anxiously anticipating. The book is titled "The Energy Bus" written by Jon Gordon. The book is extremely well written and is all about exuding positive energy and how that energy can positively affect your family, team, or organization. I was so in tuned to the story and the lessons that the writer cleverly placed within that I couldn't put the book down and finished reading it in just two days. Out of all the passages and anecdotes throughout the book, there was one focus that really caught my attention regarding Energy Vampires. Energy Vampires are those within your organization who have not bought into the vision and direction of the group, and literally suck the positive energy from those around them causing disruption and disarray among your team.

All of us have encountered them. Perhaps even come in contact with them every day. They are the non-believers, the cynics, the pessimist. It's painful for them to be at work or at an early morning workout. No matter the circumstance or situation they seek out the negative. For every positive thought, they find two negatives. Every opportunity is merely an obstacle not worth putting the effort to overcome. There have been countless times in my own professional career when I'm exuberant and energized by a new idea and after presenting that idea to a group, it has been torn apart and trampled upon in a matter of moments. I've seen if from myself as well, perhaps with new strategy presented by an employer. If it's not an idea that benefits me or inconveniences me in some way, I have searched for every possible reason why the idea can't work or produce a positive outcome.  When we resort to this sort of practice, we are encouraging poor or safe ideas. Ideas that won't push the envelope or force us to step out of our comfort zone. If those are the only ideas we see fit to pursue, rarely will we see a great transformation. I'm not suggesting that every outlandish or brave idea is a good idea, but if we are always pulling in a different direction we are not working toward a common goal. Jon Gordon talks about getting everyone on "your bus", that everyone within the organization must be in pursuit of a common goal.

So what do we do with ourselves when we, in fact, have become the negative distraction within our organization? It's not something we even have to say. It is communicated through our body language, in our effort to envision the positive, and even within our own thoughts. When we, ourselves, aren't headed in the same direction as our teams or families we are detrimental to the arrival at the destination. Well, we really only have two options. 1: Get off the bus. 2) Redesign or transform our thought process and get on the bus, get on the same page with whoever is driving the bus. We can't always control where the bus is going, but we can control our own thoughts and energy toward the final outcome. Our minds must be open to new ideas, and we must put force positive effort to give the idea an opportunity to be successful. That doesn't mean that it always will, but it will help in making good decisions going forward that lead in the right direction.

If you are the person driving the bus, what do you then do with an Energy Vampire who is wreaking havoc on your team or organization? This brought me to thinking about my own vehicle. As I am driving the vehicle, if I temporarily let go of the wheel, my truck starts the veer off in the wrong direction due to the alignment of the my tires. Even with my hand on the wheel at all times, I'm force to keep the wheel turned slightly to the left. I eventually get to my destination, but not with efficiency. My vehicle is forced to spend extra fuel staying on the right path by pulling against the wheel that is not aligned properly. It is the same in an organization. With Energy Vampires, we are forced to spend extra energy trying to keep the group headed in the right direction because of those that keep pulling us in the wrong direction. In this case, there are still only two very similar options: 1) Align the problem. 2) Make a change if it can't be aligned. Rid your team of the problem by replacing the problem. You, yourself, have to determine if the issue at hand is something that needs to be dealt with because is detrimental to the energy and direction of the group.

It is not easy to make a change or leave someone behind. Their is a certain fear that comes over us, paralyzes us. I've felt it too. It's not easy to be point blank with an Energy Vampire. Often times we may even feel intimated by their power of negativity. They may be someone with great potential and talent. It takes courage to address the issue, and give the individual a chance to get on the bus or exit at the next station. The choice is still theirs. If you outline the vision for the organization and give them the opportunity to align themselves to that vision, it is a conscious choice that only they can make. You will feel a great burden lifted off of your shoulders knowing that the problem has been addressed and lies in their hands. As a coach, we see this quite often. We ask players to be "All In' in their commitment to their team's direction and goals. Players that aren't "All In" miss workouts, aren't coachable, don't pay attention in film sessions, give poor effort, or drag down a team practice with negative energy. It is difficult to leave someone behind. As a leader, you feel that you want to save each one and have failed when that doesn't happen. But at what expense does that become destructive to those focusing on the vision. In my short time as a coach, we have had players that have decided that they didn't want to be on our bus, and over time it proved to be a positive for our team in their preparation, practice, and belief in one another. It was their still their decision. There have also been times that I have failed to properly address Energy Vampires, and in the end it didn't work out for the best for the organization. It takes courage, but you are doing them a favor by doing so and a disservice to them and your team when you fail to do so.

Finally, this does not insinuate that you walk around pointing out flaws with an iron fist. It must done with the right motives and out of love. Present the individual an opportunity to make a decision, but make sure you communicate that it is a choice given to them for their own benefit and the benefit of their team members. You will feel comfort in knowing that you have laid forth the expectations for the right reasons. Ultimately, it is for the greater good. If there is something or someone within your organization that is pulling your team in the wrong direction, address it. Either fix the problem or let the problem fix itself. If you are spending a great deal of time worrying about the problem, then you are not allowed to put your energy or focus into the things that require your attention. Vampires are allergic to light, and will stay in the dark or transform themselves into a new entity. Do your best to pull them into the light because light gives energy to all it touches. Head toward the light and a brighter, bolder future for your organization...

The Dreamer vs. The Visionary

THE DREAMER

Light floods his blurred vision. As the scene clears, he's making his way down a smoky tunnel. The constant chatter of "click-clack" accompanies his footsteps. He adjusts the Under Armour armband tattooed with his favorite Biblical verse. The lights, only dimmed by the tinted visor shielding him like a Gladiator before taking to the arena. The fans. The roars of the hoards chanting his name. He's on the big stage, and the stage is set.

This is the moment he's been waiting for, his shot at endless fame, at GLORY. How he got here doesn't matter. He's in the moment...HIS moment. His name bellows over the loud-speaker, as he trots onto the field.  He finds himself immersed in everything he's ever wanted. He can't exactly remember how he got here, but he's not troubled. "I'm here now. That's all that matters. I've been here countless times."

He came to put on a show, and he hasn't disappointed. The crowd springs to their feet with every dazzling play he makes. He's putting on a clinic picking this defense apart. Tight windows, crazy blitzes, line stunts...He can't be phased. No matter what the opposing team throws at him, he answers without indecision & hurls passes as if from a cannon. After every throw, defenders launch themselves into his body, but he takes body shots better than Rocky. Like a cat chased by a turtle, he can't be caught. He blows by defenders leaving a flash. A dip & a dash, big play after big play, the crowd to a grows to a frenzy.

Time falls into slow motion, the climax is near.  His heart thunders with every beat. His breath collects into a crystallized plume in the chilled air, as he buckles his chin strap. It has all come down to this. There is no panic. He was born for this. This moment feels eerily familiar. He takes his drop, the pocket collapses. Arms aimlessly grasping & fingers tugging, but he escapes. Blow after blow, he fights forward with an Herculean type power, dragging opponents along the way. Only one defender stands between him & everlasting glory. He leaps. Extending the football toward the pylon, stretching for every inch....The last second slips from the clock, the buzzer sounds.....(WHACK).....

 BEEP....BEEP....BEEP....BEEP....Light floods his dingy, one-room apartment. He can still see his breath. Mother Winter must have gotten the best of his space heater. The only roar resounds from his replica helmet alarm clock. He pulls back the covers as he stretches for the snooze button. He admires the poster of his favorite athlete hoisting the championship trophy. It could have been him. He had dreamed of that moment since he was old enough to walk. Things just never went his way. He always caught the bad break. Bad luck followed him step for step. If only he had been as fortunate as his idol, it would have been different. His dream would have become a reality, not a frequently visited vacation when darkness fell. As he folds his legs over the side of the bed, he slides his feet into his tattered slippers. There will be no click-clack this morning. As he wanders to the coffee pot the Dreamer mutters: "Man...I always wake up just before the best part..."

THE VISIONARY

Light floods his blurred vision. As the scene clears, he's making his way down a smoky tunnel. The constant chatter of "click-clack" accompanies his footsteps. He adjusts the Under Armour armband tattooed with his favorite Biblical verse. The lights, only dimmed by the tinted visor shielding him like a Gladiator before taking to the arena. The fans. The roars of the hoards chanting his name. He's on the big stage, and the stage is set.

This is the moment he's been waiting for, his shot at endless fame, at GLORY. He took the unbeaten path to get here. The narrow road so few have the courage to tread. He's in the moment...HIS moment. His name bellows over the loud-speaker, as he trots onto the field.  He finds himself immersed in everything he's ever wanted. Flashes of agony, defeat, and tears flood his memory. Things haven't always been this glorious. There have been countless failures & shortcomings, preparing him for this moment. "I'm here now. That's all that matters."

He came to put on a show, and he hasn't disappointed. The crowd springs to their feet with every dazzling play he makes. He's putting on a clinic picking this defense apart. Tight windows pierced with impeccable timing from hours of after practice routes with his receivers. Crazy blitzes, line stunts...He can't be phased. No matter what the opposing team throws at him, he answers without indecision. He's seen it all in the lonesome 6 a.m. film sessions. He hurls passes as if from a cannon, forged in that musty, dungeon of a weight room.  After every throw, defenders launch themselves into his body, but he takes body shots better than Rocky. Abs of steel cut under a single, mid-night light after all others have exited the building. Like a cat chased by a turtle, he can't be caught. He blows by defenders leaving a flash. A dip & a dash, the scouts always said he just wasn't that fast. Those pro-agilities & sprint drills have paid off at last. 

The crowd to a grows to a frenzy. Time falls into slow motion, the climax is near.  His heart thunders with every beat. His breath collects into a crystallized plume in the chilled air, as he buckles his chin strap. It has all come down to this. There is no panic. Leaders aren't born, their trust from teammates is earned by their unwavering work ethic. This moment feels eerily familiar, but this story has a fairy-tale ending. He takes his drop, the pocket collapses. Arms aimlessly grasping & fingers tugging, but he escapes. Blow after blow, he fights forward with an Herculean type power, dragging opponents along the way. I guess dragging that weighted sled in 100 degree summer heat has paid its dues. Nothing can hold him back this time.  Only one defender stands between him & everlasting glory. He leaps. Extending the football toward the pylon, stretching for every inch....The last second slips from the clock, the buzzer sounds.....(WHACK).....

 BEEP....BEEP....BEEP....BEEP....Light floods his penthouse suite. He can still feel the pain from that last shot he took. Mother Winter waits outside this morning. The roars from the crowd still resound in his head. He pulls back the covers as he stretches to turn off his alarm. He admires the front page of the daily sports section at the foot of his bed. A portrait of him hoisting the championship trophy tells the story of victory. It was him this time. He had envisioned that moment since he was old enough to walk. Things finally went his way. He exorcised his demons. Bad luck?...there is no luck. He earned every bit of his triumph. His vision had become a reality, no longer to be hid in the shadows. As he folds his legs over the side of the bed, he slides his feet into his sneakers. There will be no off day today. As he makes his way to the training facility, the Dreamer exclaims: "Man...let's go get us another one..."

You see, DREAMERS skip to the good part, and fail to possess the fortitude & commitment to make those dreams into a reality. VISIONARIES have a plan in place that shows them how to get where they want to be, and sacrifice whatever is necessary to get there. A dream is like a trip without a road map. Never dream what is possible. Envision the road to your destination BEYOND your wildest dreams...

Coaches' Wives: A Coach's Greatest Teammate

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, couples will be showing their appreciation for those they love with flowers, cards, candy, and many other displays of affection. It is a great time of year for spouses and significant others to reflect on how much the ones they hold dear mean to them and the reasons why. As have many others, I have been doing a lot of deep thinking about how fortunate I am to be married to a woman who deserves so much. There are many reasons that quickly came to mind. My wife, Michelle, is caring, patient, funny, intelligent, and yes, very beautiful. I'm quite certain that she got the short end of the deal, but nonetheless, very blessed to call her mine. As with many things in my life, I have a tendency to relate them to the game of football, and I hope in this post I don't undermine the importance of the message I am trying to get across by doing so.

There are many different types of coaches. Those that are soft-spoken, those that yell quite frequently, player's coaches, and those that are more gruff and rigid in their approach. However drastic their independent styles, most coaches share many of the same characteristics. They are usually tireless workers driven toward success which can lead them to spend many hours at the office especially during the season. For many of us, that means that someone has to be running the household from early August until the unfortunate end to our seasons. Bills must still be paid, laundry must still be washed, and the children need a great deal of care and attention. Many times problems arise that must be solved without consultation while still finding the time to make it to every game and work a full-time job during the week. That person must be tough, resilient, and be willing to sacrifice their own needs to allow us to do something we are so passionate about. Coaches' wives are among the most strong, resourceful people in our society.

One word that I love to talk about with my players on a consistent basis is sacrifice. Our program preaches that an individual must sacrifice greatly for the things it most desires, and that sacrifice is paramount for individual and team success. I've found over the last few years that I have learned a great deal about sacrifice from my wife. Two years ago the head coaching job came open here at Hesston. Before applying, I discussed the possibility of packing up and moving with my wife (then fiancé). With our wedding approaching that summer, it seemed like a difficult proposition to consider. Even with the foreshadowed stresses that would come from selling my house, moving halfway across the state, and leaving her own job in Pittsburg, she was fully behind the idea of making Hesston our new home. That single event created many chain reaction events, but I have been so lucky to have someone who would sacrifice a place and friends she loved to travel down an unbeaten path in a new marriage.

This past year we found a house here in Hesston that we both loved, the only problem with purchasing a new home at that time was that the closing date fell on Homecoming weekend. I had my doubts about whether this was even something we should attempt. However, I had momentarily forgotten that I was married to one of the most determined individuals I know. This was GOING to happen, and we were going to make it work. My wife and I are very different in some ways. I absolutely despise doing things around the house. Very selfishly I tend to think that any time spent at home is rest time. On the contrary, if there is something that my wife deems that needs to be done at home, she will stop at no ends to make sure it is completed. I greatly admire her for that. She is very purposeful and direct in her approach professionally as well. During the weekend of the move and weeks to come, she worked a full-time job and spent many hours late into the night painting, decorating, and turning our house into our home mostly on her own. Needless to say, I was foolish to have reservations about moving at such a time.

In addition to making countless sacrifices around the home and with their families, coaches wives also must have very thick skin. Believe it or not, sometimes fans don't always agree with a coaches decisions on a Friday night. And again, believe it or not, they can be very vocal in their disapproval. I have been extremely fortunate in my career in that I have had great community support wherever I have been. That's not to say that there haven't been a few less than kind comments or coaching tips hurled from the stands at any given point, but perhaps they may have been right. I've made a lot of bad play calls and coaching decisions in my time and readily admit that. Luckily, a football coaches'  headset keeps many of those comments from ever reaching their ears. I can only imagine the restraint that it would take for me to set in a public display of my wife's work and listen to someone ridicule her performance. Coaches' wives sometimes can even catch the brunt for her husband's shortcomings. It takes a lot of toughness and fortitude to contain emotions when that sort of thing happens and often times I'm sure they tuck away many of those comments from their husbands. It's not only the wives of head coaches that make great sacrifice. I have great appreciation for our assistant coaches' wives because they make many of those same sacrifices. During football season, coaching is literally a 7-day-a-week job. Practice Monday-Thursday, game Friday night, film Saturday morning, and coaches meetings on Sunday afternoon.

Wives of coaches sacrifice doesn't end when the season is over. There is clinic season, pre-season coaches meetings, summer conditioning, and team functions. Coaches' wives often attend family functions, weddings, and other important events when their husband is fulfilling not only his obligations, but pursuing his passion. Love is measured in many different ways, but in my estimation there is no greater showing of love than sacrificing your own wants and needs for the happiness of the people you love. I greatly admire those who knowingly step into a commitment, in which they know ahead of time, that will test their patience, their energy, their time, and their ability to spend meaningful time with their spouse. I am grateful that I found a companion that allows me to pursue my passions and that she cares enough to sacrifice her own needs to let me do so. I'm so blessed God has given me the greatest teammate I could ever ask for.

I love you, Michelle! Happy Valentine's Day!

What Defines A Great Leader?

When thinking about the most revered leaders throughout history or even in the history of our own country they generally share many of the same traits and characteristics. Words like strong, passionate, and intelligent often come to mind. But when looking at leaders like Abraham Lincoln, George Washington and  Martin Luther King Jr. the most significant trait they shared was their ability to inspire and empower their nation and their communities. Those we often look up to in our own lives was not their ability to give money or possession, but their willingness to expose themselves to unknown, adverse situations and the appreciation they communicated to those around them.

From the time I was a kid my oldest brother would point out my own selfishness. I still remember the time as an 8 year old that I took the last few pieces from the candy drawer eating them before the opportunity to share could arise. My brother made the comment that I was conceited and selfish for not sharing and thinking of others. When I was in middle school and as a freshmen in high school I would yell and scream at my offensive line for not blocking for myself or our running backs. My middle brother had been the starting quarterback for 3 years and had just graduated. I was excited about the opportunity to be the starting quarterback as a sophomore. My oldest brother heard me talking about the prospect and said "They won't play for you. They're not going to play for someone selfish like you." He was probably in part saying that to get under my skin, which was very easy to do, but there is many a truth said in jest. That one statement, whether he realized it or not, had a profound effect on me. I wanted them to block well for me so I looked good. It forced me to think about how I didn't recognize their efforts and how vital they were to our team success. As a coach now, I believe that success in football is largely predicated on the success of the offensive and defensive line even though it mostly goes unnoticed. It is the ability for each player to understand their role is greatly important and valuable to reaching the goal. Great leaders appreciate and acknowledge the efforts of everyone around them that contributes to the success of a whole.

Our middle school principal in Hesston, Mr. Proctor, is a man I greatly respect and admire. He was also my high school basketball coach my senior season. It is very routine for him to leave small notes to teachers around the building saying how much he appreciates what they do for our students. It is a small gesture, but has a great impact on the environment that we work in each day that trickles down from our staff to our students. As the principal at Southeast High School, Mr. Proctor was loved by our teaching staff. It was a very sad day when he let everyone know he would be moving on. I stayed at Southeast for one more year, and perhaps the person who admired and missed him the most was one our custodians. He would talk at length about how Mr. Proctor would notice and appreciate the quality of his work. The agenda behind our efforts must also have the right motivation. Lou Holtz, legendary football coach at Notre Dame, tells a story of when he used to be a salesman that sold cemetery plots for which he earned a commission off each sale. When he first started, he wanted people to buy cemetery plots to help him, but wasn't having great success, but once he started communicating to customers how buying a cemetery plot could help them his results greatly increased. The motivation behind our ability to succeed must be pure and take into account those who help us become successful as a team, a business, or a family. It is human nature to want to feel appreciated for what we do. It is very easy for those around us to recognize when our motivations aren't genuine and in the best interest of everyone involved. Don't lead with the lash, lead with love and appreciation.

There are generally two ways to accomplish a task as leader, but they have greatly differing results. Standing proud and giving demands, or humbling ourselves and empowering those who are entrusted to you. The first may get the job done, but will breed resentment and may barely accomplish the task. It is not built to last. The latter will lead to inspiration that will yield greater results than anticipated. To lead by definition is: to cause a person to go with one by holding them by the hand while moving forward. I often think of the painting of George Washington and his troops crossing the Delaware River. (Below)

What stands out to me most is the he is at the front of the first boat crossing the river. His troops had the comfort that their general was leading them into a situation he was willing to put his own life in. Leading from the front shelters those entrusted to you and shows them how to navigate uncharted territory as opposed to leading from behind and exposing them to circumstances unknown before ones own self. It also shows that you are willing to encounter the same conditions, good or bad, as everyone else. Leading from behind is unsafe and dangerous to those around you. Being a leader is found directly in it's definition. Whatever you hope to accomplish, or environment that you wish to create you must be at the forefront and communicate appreciation to reach your destination. Who knows? Perhaps the heights are greater than you yourself anticipated.