Everyone at some point in their life has had events or periods of time in their life that have seemed bleak and without promise. You've been knocked down and the walls were closing in around you. Maybe you are in a similar place now. Life has a way of kicking us when we're down, finding ways to pull us to a new low. Our only resource at that time, no matter the support system from those around us, is our approach to adverse circumstances. Often times we dwell on our misfortunes that have left us in a dark place. What we often fail to realize is that those situations in our life, our darkest moments, are perhaps our greatest blessings.
I was very fortunate as a youth to grow up in a Christian household with two of the greatest, most loving parents a child could ask for. I was blessed with great mentors and role models throughout grade school and on into high school. The only adverse circumstances I encountered were those that were created by my own poor choices and decisions. I had the ability, and in most cases the curiosity, to test the borders of right and wrong. As I reflect on my life from the age of 18 to about 22, it is now apparent to me that I was in a bleak, dark place. I carried the burden of personal insecurity, complete lack of confidence in myself, and at worst a feeling of utter insignificance. I did my best to mask the internal wars my conscience waged on a daily basis. Many times my efforts to mask those insecurities showed to the outer world a pompous and arrogant adolescent, not ready for what was ahead. Indeed I was not ready. It was a time of uncertainty. A time in which I really wasn't sure of the direction I was meant to take.
In the winter on 2009, I received my education degree and was fortunate to land a technology position at my high school alma mater. That next summer at the age of 23, I accepted the head football and athletic director positions, both of which my mother wasn't sure I was ready for. Our first football season was full of disappointments and the pain of overwhelming defeats, finishing with a 1-8 record and an average loss per game of over 40 points. We had won four games in the past three seasons. My mother was usually correct in almost every situation, and seemingly so in this case as well. The defeats in my professional career fell in line with the defeats in my personal life at that time. The consistent theme and perhaps my greatest fault at that stage in my life was the refusal to fully commit myself to something, a person, or an idea. My girlfriend and I had split up in the early stages of that football season. It was simply an act of selfishness and insecurity. I'm not sure there was a darker point in my life than at that time. I had been searching for a life-long companion. I had been searching for reasons to why we couldn't build a winning football program. I was TIRED of losing personally. I was tired of losing professionally. What is my purpose and why is it not revealing itself to me? Perhaps the depths of my darkness had been hiding me from my true purpose all along? A purpose that had been right in front of me all along.
The only shackles in life are the ones we clamp on ourselves. Life may thrust us into the pit of despair, but, in reality, it is upon ourselves to find a way to climb out of the abyss. What this realm of darkness had revealed to me is that those who have been starved from the light, anguished in failure, suffered from heartbreak have been given a training some people never receive. You can train in the dark, but until you have felt the agony of the shadows, been molded by the blackness, you cannot prepare yourself for the struggles it will bring. Your darkness, the lowest place you have ever been, is your greatest ally. A decision had to be made, and I was at a crossroads.
When I look back on the heartache, the blackness I dragged myself through, I now know that is a place I never want to return. I'm prepared for ANY struggle life throws my way. I made a decision to fully commit myself to those around me, and to this day it is the most rewarding decision I have ever made. The girl I foolishly broke up with is now my beautiful wife. The next season our football team went 6-3 and had the best regular season the school had seen in the past 12 years. Our players had felt the pain. Our seniors had won 4 game in their first three years, but...they made a decision, that their pain was their greatest friend, their despair was going to be their newfound strength. Rays of light stream into the darkest of places. Hope abounds in the bleakest of circumstances. Your fear is your strength. Your darkness is your ally...Rise...Rise...
